Funny quotes are a great way to add a little humor and wit to your day. There’s nothing like a well-timed joke to improve your mood, whether you’re seeking for a laugh or just a pick-me-up. From witty observations on life and love to playful jabs at the human condition, funny quotes are like fingerprints and each one is unique and leaves a lasting impression.
In this collection of 90 amusing funny quotes, we’ve gathered some of the best one-liners and quips about confidence, life, humor, motivation, and wisdom. These quotes are perfect for sharing with friends or colleagues, posting on social media, or just reading to yourself when you need a good laugh. So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the funniest and most insightful quotes on the web!
Funny Quotes about Wisdom
Wisdom is usually linked with smarts and knowledge, but it can also be funny at times. There are many funny quotes about wisdom that make fun of the idea of being wise. Many of these quotes use irony and sarcasm to show how silly it is to always try to be smart. They tell us that sometimes the best thing to do is just to laugh and enjoy life.
Some of the funniest quotes about wisdom come from comedians and humorists who are good at pointing out the funny parts of life. A lot of the time, they make fun of the idea that knowledge can solve all our problems. Instead, they tell us to be proud of our foolishness and flaws. These quotes tell us that life isn’t always meant to be taken seriously and that sometimes the best way to learn is to learn from our mistakes and laugh at ourselves.
“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”
Leadership is about guidance and inspiration, not just barking orders. Those who lead by example remind us that true leadership is not about being bossy, but about being a guiding light for those around us.
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
Temptation, a siren’s call, a force too strong to fight. I struggle to resist its thrall, and yield to its delight. For in its grasp, I find release, and freedom from my plight.
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
Some people just can’t handle the truth. But that’s okay, because you’re not arguing – you’re just explaining why you’re right. Keep dropping those truth bombs, and don’t let anyone rain on your parade. After all, it’s not your fault they can’t handle your brilliance.
“Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.” – Steve Wozniak
Technology is only as good as its reliability. Sometimes, the only way to fix a problem is to throw it out the window! But seriously, let’s make sure we stay in control and not the other way around.
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov
People who think they know everything are like a mosquito in a nudist colony – they know where to go, but have no idea what to do when they get there. Meanwhile, those of us who actually do know everything are left rolling our eyes and swatting them away.
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
Dream big, but be specific. Clarity of purpose is the key to success. Take the time to identify what you truly want, and then go after it with all your heart.
Funny Quotes about Courage
Confidence is a valuable trait, but it can occasionally be overdone. Many humorous quotes about confidence poke amusement at those who are excessively confident and self-assured. These quotations serve as a reminder that confidence can be a double-edged sword and that it is essential to establish a balance between self-assurance and humility.
However, humorous quotations about confidence can also be motivational. They encourage us to have confidence in ourselves and our abilities, as well as to take risks despite uncertainty. These quotations remind us that confidence is a potent instrument for success, but only when it is tempered with humility and a willingness to learn and develop. Whether we need a chuckle or a confidence boost, humorous quotes about self-assurance can provide both.
“Confidence is not about being perfect or always right, it’s about being okay with imperfection and always learning.”
Change can be intimidating, but it’s not a four-letter word. Often, our initial reaction to change is rooted in fear, but with an open mind and heart, we can learn to embrace it and grow from it.
“I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.”
Being the boss means taking responsibility for the success of your team. It’s not about being bossy, it’s about being poised and confident in your decisions. Lead with grace and strength, and watch your team thrive.
“Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.”
I may not have traveled everywhere yet, but every place I haven’t been is on my list, waiting to be explored with open arms and a heart full of curiosity.
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome!”
Isn’t it amazing how sunshine can brighten up our days? A day without it just feels incomplete, like we’re missing out on something special. It’s like, you know, it’s night time all day long. Let’s cherish the sunshine and make the most out of every moment!
“Confidence is like underwear, if you don’t have it, you can’t fake it.”
I can’t help but feel a special connection to my photographic memory, even when it’s running on low battery.
“Confidence is the feeling you get before you understand the situation.”
Raising kids is a beautiful blend of joy and the occasional battle, but the love and connection you share with them makes it all worth it.
“Confidence is being able to say ‘I love myself’ without feeling guilty.”
I absolutely love work; it completely fascinates me! I could easily sit and admire it for hours on end.
“Confidence is not knowing all the answers but being okay with not knowing.”
Marriage is a beautiful workshop where the husband works hard to provide for his family, while the wife lovingly curates a beautiful home for them both to enjoy.
“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” – Peter T. McIntyre
I absolutely love math, but I must admit, it has a way of creating problems that can be quite challenging to solve. So, to be honest, I’m not quite sure how many problems I have – but I’m always eager to take them on, especially when math is involved!
“Confidence is knowing you’re a masterpiece even when you’re a work in progress.”
Let’s not take life too seriously, my friend. After all, we’re all in this together and no one gets out alive. So why not enjoy the journey and make the most of every moment?
“Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.” – Christina Grimmie
Change can be intimidating, but it’s not a four-letter word. Often, our initial reaction to change is rooted in fear, but with an open mind and heart, we can learn to embrace it and grow from it.
“Confidence is not ‘will they like me?’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.”
My lovely wife and I often playfully banter over who gets to use the charger that actually works. It’s just one of the many little things that make our life together so enjoyable.
“I have a confidence problem, but what’s worse is that I can’t think of anything I’m good at.” – Gary Gulman
I have a tendency to arrive a little late at the office, but I always make sure to leave early to ensure a healthy work-life balance.
“Confidence is not caring what others think about you. Arrogance is caring about what others think of you.”
I lovingly teased my wife about drawing her eyebrows too high, and she responded with a surprised yet adorable expression.
“Confidence is the ability to walk into a room full of people you don’t know and pretend you own the place.”
Let’s not take life too seriously, my friend. After all, we’re all in this together and no one gets out alive. So why not enjoy the journey and make the most of every moment?
Humorous funny quotes
Humor is a powerful tool that has been used throughout history to bring people together, alleviate stress, and encourage creativity. The use of funny quotes in particular has become a popular way to inject humor into everyday life. But what makes a quote funny, and why do we find them so appealing?
To make a quote funny is all about the element of surprise. A good humorous funny quote catches us off guard, either through a clever twist of words or an unexpected punchline. It’s the element of surprise that makes us laugh, and that’s why they are so effective. So whether you need a pick-me-up, or just want to add some humor to your day, funny quotes are always a great option.
“Some people say ‘If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’ I say, ‘If life gives you lemons, throw them at the guy who gave them to you.’ If life gives you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.” – Ellen DeGeneres
Ever heard the saying ‘If life gives you lemons, make lemonade’? Well, I prefer a more direct approach. If life gives you lemons, throw them right back at the guy who gave them to you! And if you’re feeling extra spicy, make sure to add a few tomatoes and whip up some delicious Bloody Marys. That’ll teach ’em to mess with you!
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy, saving mode.”
I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important tasks… like napping and binge-watching my favorite shows. ??
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
Well, I must say, if you were right, I would have to apologize for my ignorance and bow down to your superior intellect… but we both know that’s not the case, don’t we?
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
When life hands you lemons, make sure to aim for your enemies’ eyes when you squeeze them. After all, nothing says ‘suck on this’ quite like a lemon in the eye.
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis
Procrastination is like trying to catch up with yesterday’s horse while riding a snail. It’s an art, really – the art of getting nothing done while convincing yourself that you’re still in control.
“I tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.”
I once attempted to be normal, but it only lasted two minutes – the most excruciatingly boring and uneventful minutes of my entire life. Needless to say, I quickly abandoned that idea and returned to my naturally humorous and witty self.
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” – Anthony Burgess
Chuckling is contagious, but snoring? That’s a solo performance, my friend. So, try to laugh and the world will join you, but if you snore, you’re on your own.
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke
You know, I’m a Sagittarius, so naturally, I’m skeptical of anything that claims to have all the answers. Especially astrology. But hey, if the stars want to tell me I’m destined for greatness, who am I to argue?
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
I have a great affinity for deadlines. There’s just something about the exhilarating whooshing sound they make as they speed by me, leaving me in a cloud of panic and regret. It’s like a rollercoaster ride, except instead of screaming with joy, I’m screaming for mercy!
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing (Friends)
I’m not exactly a guru when it comes to dishing out advice. But, if you’re up for it, I could offer you a delightfully snarky comment instead. It’s guaranteed to make you laugh, or your money back!
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe skydiving isn’t your calling. But hey, at least you can still brag about the time you jumped out of a perfectly good airplane and lived to tell the tale!
“I’m not sure if I’m actually productive or just good at procrastinating.”
I’m starting to think that my productivity is just a clever disguise for my world-class procrastination skills. I mean, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow, right?
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde
My intelligence is so impressive that at times, even I am left baffled by my own words. It’s like I’m speaking a language only geniuses can comprehend… or maybe I’m just incoherent. Either way, it’s all part of my charm.
“I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together.”
Well, well, well…I’m not explicitly stating that I am the caped crusader, but I will say this: no one has ever caught me and Batman in the same room together. Coincidence? I think not!
Funny Quotes about Life
Life is a path with many ups and downs, highs and lows, and twists and turns. Sometimes it’s serious, but it’s important to find the funny side of everything. Funny life quotes can make us laugh and help us remember not to take things too seriously. There are a lot of funny life quotes out there that can make us laugh and brighten our day. These quotes can be about anything from childhood to marriage. These quotes can help us look at life’s problems in a more positive way and remind us not to worry about the little things.
When it comes to partnerships, nothing beats the way a husband and wife work together. There are a lot of funny quotes out there that show what it’s like to be married, from playful talk to friendly teasing. They can help us find humor in the quirks and everyday problems of living with a spouse. And let’s not forget the fun and hard parts of being a parent. There are lots of funny quotes about having kids that can make us laugh and help us see the humor in the chaos.
I’m not saying I’m Batman.I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in a room together.3 –
“Marriage is an institution where two people come together to share everything they have, including their problems, which they wouldn’t have had if they’d stayed single.”
Marriage is a beautiful journey where two hearts unite to share everything, including their problems, which they can overcome together.
“I love kids, but they are a tough audience.”
Despite the fact that they occasionally make for a difficult audience, I enjoy children. However, their frankness and limitless energy never fail to make me smile and chuckle.
“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” – Robin Williams
I may not have traveled everywhere yet, but every place I haven’t been is on my list, waiting to be explored with open arms and a heart full of curiosity.
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Cathy Guisewite
Isn’t it amazing how sunshine can brighten up our days? A day without it just feels incomplete, like we’re missing out on something special. It’s like, you know, it’s night time all day long. Let’s cherish the sunshine and make the most out of every moment!
“I have a photographic memory but with a low battery.” – Don Marquis
I can’t help but feel a special connection to my photographic memory, even when it’s running on low battery.
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
Raising kids is a beautiful blend of joy and the occasional battle, but the love and connection you share with them makes it all worth it.
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Anthony Burgess
I absolutely love work; it completely fascinates me! I could easily sit and admire it for hours on end.
“Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.” – Arthur C. Clarke
Marriage is a beautiful workshop where the husband works hard to provide for his family, while the wife lovingly curates a beautiful home for them both to enjoy.
“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.” – Douglas Adams
I absolutely love math, but I must admit, it has a way of creating problems that can be quite challenging to solve. So, to be honest, I’m not quite sure how many problems I have – but I’m always eager to take them on, especially when math is involved!
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Chandler Bing (Friends)
Let’s not take life too seriously, my friend. After all, we’re all in this together and no one gets out alive. So why not enjoy the journey and make the most of every moment?
“Change is not a four letter word…but often your reaction to it is!” – Steven Wright
Change can be intimidating, but it’s not a four-letter word. Often, our initial reaction to change is rooted in fear, but with an open mind and heart, we can learn to embrace it and grow from it.
“My wife and I argue over who gets to use the charger that actually works.”
My lovely wife and I often playfully banter over who gets to use the charger that actually works. It’s just one of the many little things that make our life together so enjoyable.
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Oscar Wilde
I have a tendency to arrive a little late at the office, but I always make sure to leave early to ensure a healthy work-life balance.
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
I lovingly teased my wife about drawing her eyebrows too high, and she responded with a surprised yet adorable expression.
“My husband is like a fine wine. He gets better with age and is best when paired with cheese.” – Ellen DeGeneres
I absolutely adore my husband, he is like a fine wine that only gets better with age. He is truly a delight to be around, and when paired with some cheese, it’s an experience that I cherish and love.
“A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes.”
There’s something truly special about witnessing a child’s growth, especially during that exciting month after you’ve purchased them new school clothes. It’s a time of discovery, learning, and endless possibilities.
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
Embracing the chaos of a growing family can make cleaning feel like shoveling snow during a winter storm. But just like a freshly cleared sidewalk, the satisfaction of a clean home is worth the effort and love poured into it.
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
As your children grow into teenagers, having a furry companion in the house can be a source of happiness and comfort, reminding you that you are always loved and appreciated.
“Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until his wife is out of town to use them.”
Husband: a man who eagerly buys his football tickets four months in advance, and can hardly wait for the perfect opportunity to use them, like when his wife is out of town.
“I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes. She then went on to explain that it’s not what I think.”
I once asked my beloved wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and her response brought a smile to my face. She said ‘Yes, my dear’, and went on to explain that her fantasies are not what I would expect. It was a sweet moment that made me feel closer to her.
“My husband and I have a great relationship. He’s the ‘yes’ man, and I’m the ‘no’ woman. And we balance each other out perfectly.”
In our relationship, my husband is more agreeable and I am more assertive. While he tends to say ‘yes’ to things, I tend to say ‘no’. However, our differences complement each other and help us find balance in our decision-making.
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
As parents, we know our children are growing up when they begin to venture out on their own and explore the world around them. It’s both heartwarming and bittersweet to see them gain independence and forge their own path, but we will always hold dear the memories of when they used to ask us where they came from. And even though they may not always share where they’re going, we’ll always be here to support them every step of the way.
“I don’t always have a witty comeback. But when I do, I come back ten minutes later, showering in the perfect response I could have said.”
I absolutely love those moments when I come up with the perfect witty comeback! Although, it doesn’t always happen in the moment. Sometimes it takes me a little longer to come up with the perfect response, but when I do, it’s like basking in the warmth of a cozy fire on a chilly night.
“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”
Marriage is like a deck of cards, where the two hearts and a diamond represent the start of a beautiful journey together. As time goes on, you may encounter challenges where a club and a spade will come in handy. But with love, care and a little bit of luck, you’ll shuffle through life’s ups and downs and come out winning every time.
“My husband and I have a great system. I make all the big decisions and he makes all the small decisions. And in 10 years of marriage, we haven’t had any big decisions.”
Over a decade of marriage, my partner and I have found our balance: I handle the big decisions while he tackles the small ones, and it’s brought us even closer.
Motivational Funny Quotes
Sometimes, we all need a little push to get through the day. Or maybe just a good laugh. That’s where motivational funny quotes come in. They’re like a breath of fresh air after a long day of work, or a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t need a little sunshine in their life? That’s why we love these quotes – they remind us to take life a little less seriously and enjoy the ride.
But these aren’t just your average motivational words. These quotes are odd, unusual, and just plain weird. They’ll make you laugh, think, and maybe even be a little bit inspiring. They come from all over the internet, from the depths of Reddit to the heights of Twitter. Even though they aren’t the most common way to get motivated, they do the job. So, if you’re feeling a little down or just want a good laugh, check out these funny quotes that will make you feel better. They will show you that life doesn’t always have to be so serious.
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
Open minds attract unwanted opinions, hindering individual growth.
“The biggest risk is not taking any risk.” – Mark Zuckerberg
Take a chance, make a change, and discover what’s possible. The biggest risk is missing out on the opportunities that await you. Embrace the unknown and create your own path to success.
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
They say half the battle is showing up, but I say it’s believing you can. With a positive attitude and a can-do spirit, you’re already halfway there. So go ahead, take on the world ?C you’ve got this!
“If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission.”
Greatness awaits, but permission is not its gate. To achieve it, you must break free from the chains of conformity. Embrace your inner rebel, and let your passion lead the way. For in the end, it is not permission, but courage that paves the path to greatness.
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
Contemplate the possibility of a life without your job. Would you be happy? Fulfilled? Now, appreciate the job you have and the opportunities it provides. Don’t take it for granted.
“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
Doubts are but shadows of the mind, casting darkness upon our path. But if we can find the light within, we’ll illuminate the way to a bright tomorrow.
“Let your smile change the world, but don’t let the world change your smile.”
Your smile is your superpower. Let it light up the world and inspire those around you. Keep shining bright!
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
Believe in the power of your actions, no matter how small they may seem. Every effort counts towards making a difference.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill
Success and failure are two sides of a coin. One may bring you fame, wealth, and admiration, while the other may bring you disappointment, ridicule, and despair. But remember, both are temporary, and it’s the courage to face them that truly counts. So, don’t be afraid to fail, but don’t get too cocky when you succeed either.
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
Remember, every day is a new opportunity to chase your dreams and make a positive impact on the world. Keep moving forward!
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself.” – Jordan Belfort
Believe in yourself and your dreams, for the only obstacle in your way is the story you tell yourself. You can achieve greatness!
I’m not procrastinating I’m just prioritizing my tasks in a way that ensures I have time to panic
Taking breaks and managing stress is just as important as working hard. Embrace the chaos and trust the process!
“I wish I were a glowworm. A glowworm’s never glum. ‘Cause how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum?”
Who knew that the secret to happiness was having the sun shine out your bum? If only we were all like the glowworm, we could be happy and carefree all the time. So let’s take a page out of the glowworm’s book and never let the darkness bring us down!
Funny Quotes about Success
People usually take success very seriously and want it very much. But there are many funny ways to look at the idea of success that can make us laugh and make us feel better. The main ideas in funny quotes about success are that success isn’t always what it seems and that failure is often a necessary step on the way to success. Many of these quotes also show how important it is to keep going, work hard, and have a good mood.
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin
Well, let’s just say the test didn’t quite go as planned. But hey, I did discover 100 innovative approaches to getting it wrong! Who knew failing could be so informative?
“I failed my way to success.” – Thomas Edison
I didn’t climb the ladder of success, I tripped and fell my way to the top. And let me tell you, it was a hilarious journey full of bruised egos and broken dreams. But hey, I made it!
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
The road to success is like a never-ending construction project – just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, they change the plans and throw in a curveball. But hey, at least the detours make for some interesting scenery!
“I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
Well,looks like someone’s lost! Don’t worry, I’m here to save the day. So, which direction did you stumble in from?
“Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.” – Earl Wilson
Success is like a unicorn, some people say it exists, but I haven’t seen one yet. But don’t take my word for it, ask any failure, they seem to be experts on the subject!
“The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon
Whoever said success comes before work clearly never tried to put together IKEA furniture. The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary, and that’s because they haven’t figured out how to alphabetize by effort yet.
“Success is like a fart, it only bothers people when it’s not their own.”
Success is a lot like a fart – nobody wants to admit they’re responsible for it, but everyone secretly enjoys the smell of their own.
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
If you’re not one for failing spectacularly, then skydiving is probably not your cup of tea. But hey, at least you’ll have a thrilling story to tell the grandkids, right?
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
Success is the art of turning failures into funny stories without losing your enthusiasm. Or, as I like to call it, failing with style!
“I’m not a failure because I haven’t succeeded yet. I’m a work in progress.”
I may not have succeeded yet, but that’s only because I’m a work in progress – like a cake that’s still baking, or a caterpillar that’s yet to become a butterfly. So, calling me a failure would be like calling a seedling a failed tree. Let’s just say, I’m not quite there yet, but I’m getting there – one step, or wing flap, at a time!
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
Sorry, folks, the elevator to success is currently out of service. Looks like we’ll have to take the stairs ?C but don’t worry, I’ve heard they’re quite the workout. And who knows, maybe we’ll find some hidden treasure or a secret door along the way. Just remember to take it one step at a time, unless you’re in a hurry to meet the stairmaster!
“Success is like being pregnant, everyone congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were screwed.”
Success is like being pregnant – everyone wants to congratulate you, but no one really knows how many times you had to get screwed to get there. It’s like a secret society, where only the ones who have been through the struggle can truly appreciate the victory. So, cheers to all the successful people out there who have been through the ups and downs of life, but still managed to come out on top!
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer
Success? Psh, that’s so last season. Happiness is the new black, baby! And if you’re doing what you love, you’ll be the trendiest person in town. Trust me, I’m a bot.
After showcasing 90 examples of funny quotes about confidence, life, humor, motivational, and wisdom, it’s clear that humor is an essential part of life. These quotes remind us not to take ourselves too seriously and to find the joy in everyday situations. So, next time you need a good laugh or a little motivation, turn to these funny quotes and let them brighten your day.
